A few things on my mind today

I actually left the house with all my kids! I know I'm kind of a recluse and a hermit anyway, but this whole surgery on my hand thing has made me even more so. I hadn't really thought this whole recovery process through. The problem has been, with extremely limited use of my left hand, I haven't been able to pull the release on the carseat base, lift the stroller out of the car, or push the stroller if I've managed to complete the previous tasks. And it's been taking a toll on Addie and Chloe. Stir. Crazy. And I don't even want to talk about the grapefruits on the counter that I would like to eat, but can't because this bandage stays on until Monday, and I don't want to think about the havoc eating a grapefruit would wreak on it.

If I'd known it would finally stop the yelling, I would happily have stuck Maggie in her exersaucer all by herself in the other room hours ago.

And by yelling, I mean YELLING. Not crying, yelling her indignation to me at full volume. She also kind of yells when she laughs. It's more of a bark than a chuckle. And I did chuckle when, after I started nursing her this morning, she latched on for a second, then let go to look at me and laugh/bark joyously, loudly, and then got back to business.

Chloe just hurt herself and started crying. While I initially felt badly for her, I stopped when she started experimenting with new and interesting ways to wail. I know the difference between real and fake. Take note, Maggie.

Chloe did make my day earlier when, as I struggled to get the stroller out of the car, she leaned over the seat and said, "Mom, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." That alone can erase years of high school self esteem damage.

I'm mentioned recently on facebook and to those around me that I will maim the next person who gives my children purses. They have about 21,378 which they fill with small objects from their room, then tote around the house and dump randomly. The favorite place is the Dardanelles between the ottoman and the couch, which is very dangerous on the feet. It makes me grateful that my children have no legos, cause I dare you to find something worse to step on. After I finished their Halloween costumes this year, I made them coordinating candy bags because yes, I am that crazy. And I forgot that a treat bag serves a similar purpose to a purse. They immediately grabbed their treat bags, filled them will small toys, and began their day's work. So, in conclusion, if you really feel the need to purchase a purse or small bag for my children, please consider me instead. I could use a new handbag that is not a diaper bag.

Maggie is almost 4 months old. This means next week I could start her on cereal. I think she's ready. I think getting her eating from a source other than me would be incredibly freeing. Bracken thinks he's not ready for another child with stinky poop, and I can understand that (Here's where I mention how incredibly toxic Addie's diapers are, and how sometimes Maggie's smell really good to me.). However, I also think Bracken should have thought of that when he was refusing to warm ice cold milk for a 4 week old, telling me she needed to toughen up, thus totally turning her off of the concept of a bottle.

Maggie has a patch on her cheek that is gathering black lint from my sweater, confirming my suspicions that part of what was making her happy in the other room was Addie's sucker.

And in conclusion,

Yes, she's asleep. Yes, I just let her eat all that candy. Yes, I just reread "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?" In case you're wondering, I also recently reread the Little House books. Maybe it's the pain from her recent injury making her sleepy. I've fallen asleep before 8 every night this week.

Surgery at last

I had carpal tunnel release surgery on Friday. I checked in at 5:45 AM (!) and was out the door at 8. My initial thought at waking up from sedation was, "Well, that wasn't a very long nap. I would have preferred more."

So far the recovery has gone pretty smoothly. And by pretty, I mean, check out my awesome photo. Bandaged hand--check. Caffeine free Dr. Pepper--check. Computer entertainment--check. No makeup, same clothes for three days, great-grandma's sparkly green jewelry, part of a knight costume and a "Ghost Named Buster" DVD--check, check, check, check and check. Speaking of a ghost named Buster--that would be a great Arrested Development movie.

But seriously, things are going well. The pain is not bad as long as I remember not to use my hand, and I have figured out how to pick up Maggie without really using it. The bigger trick is keeping the bandage clean for the next week until my post-op Dr. visit. Can I just mention here that our morning started out with lots of poop in the carpet? This will be interesting.

But manageable thanks to my wonderful husband. I don't know what I would do without him. He picks up the slack, even when I'm not sick. I was laying in my bed, listening to him play with our daughters, thinking how lucky we all are to have him. Thank you, lover!

And I promise, pictures of Halloween and flowers and everything will be coming soon. But I can't blog anymore tonight. Though the doctor did say I should use my fingers while recovering, I think I'm at my limit tonight. After all, I did spend most of the day using them to open little tiny candy wrappers, some of which I let my children eat.

Yes Chloe, There is a Pumpkin Patch

Remember Chloe's struggle with fireworks? This year, the concept of "The Pumpkin Patch" started to enter the mythical world of fireworks for Chloe. It started out with a late breaking plan for family home evening. Bracken came home one Monday night with the suggestion that we go to the pumpkin patch. I thought that sounded like a great idea. I looked online and visited the website of what looked like a really cute and fun pumpkin patch that was open in the evenings. So we pumped the kids full of excitement, loaded up the car, and drove to an empty lot. No pumpkin patch to be seen. We drove up and down and all around Roseville, but were unable to locate a pumpkin patch. We then went to the Home Depot, got free balloons, and purchased pumpkins for $2.99. Which is where we probably would have bought them anyway because though I wanted the pumpkin patch experience for my kids, I'm not interested in paying pumpkin patch prices for my large squashes. Especially since I'm still bitter that my pumpkins didn't grow this year. But I digress. Upon arriving home, I rechecked the internet to discover that the pumpkin patch we'd attempted to visit had shut down the previous year because of the damage done by copper thieves.

A week or so later, we decided to attempt a visit to a different pumpkin patch. There's one on a main road near our house that we drive past all year long, but have never been to. We loaded everyone up, pumped full of excitement once again, and drove to the pumpkin patch. Chloe was bouncing in her seat. As we approached the entrance, traffic started slowing. We thought maybe it was just a busy night, but then we saw the flashing lights. There was some sort of traffic accident right in front of the entrance, and the patch was closed for the night.

So we kept on driving while trying to think of some way to save the evening. Chloe was starting to ask questions we couldn't answer, like "Is there really a pumpkin patch?" and "How can I know the pumpkin patch is true?" We scrambled, and I remembered I had seen signs for another pumpkin patch south of us, and we decided to head that way. And saw this.
Initially, we saw the flashing lights, and started to sink into the depths of pumpkin patch denial, but we were relieved when the lights moved away from the direction we were headed. We followed the signs to Pumpkin Hill, and were rewarded for our perseverance. We found a petting zoo, hay ride, scarecrow contest, multiple photo cut outs . . .

(One word--Impish)

Bounce houses . . .
Bounce cages . . .
A hay pyramid . . .
And lots of fall produce.
Oh, and a cute dad with crazy eyes.
But why does Chloe look so sad? Maybe because there were still no fireworks.

Carving Punkins

We carved our pumpkins the other night. Chloe was a girl with a plan. Which she drew with a fabric marking pencil.

Bracken helped clean out the gunk.
And I forgot how important it is to not slouch in pictures.
Here are our ghoulish creations.
And very excited girls. Chloe really was just as excited as Addie--it was just more excitement than the camera could handle, obviously.

Workout

Maggie put her baby gym to good use today. This wasn't where I put her down, but it's where she was when I noticed her acrobatics.A minute later, she had rotated about 90 degrees.

And about 180.

And then a few more degrees just for kicks.
I know crawling is still months away, but I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for her to be mobile at all yet.

The gift of cortisone shots

Last Wednesday I got my life back. Though I have carpal tunnel surgeries scheduled now for both of my hands, I just couldn't take the pain any more. I got cortisone shots in both my wrists. It hurt like the dickens for a short second, but it honestly wasn't any worse than what I'd been feeling most nights. I was told I wouldn't feel the full effects until the weekend, but by that evening, I felt amazing. And now, in no particular order:

• My hands don't smell. I've been wearing braces on both hands at night for about 6 months now, and since Maggie was born, at least part of the day as well. For the last month or so, I'd had them on almost constantly, and they were starting to smell like stinky feet shoes. I washed them as often as I could, but daily I was changing poopy diapers, getting spit up on, trying to cook and clean and was basically just up to my elbows in being a mom. And it was all getting inside the braces. Gross.
• Closely tied to above, I can wash my hands. It was such a pain to take the braces off and on. Sometimes I had to use my teeth to undo the velcro because I couldn't get my fingers to pinch. I came to rely a lot on hand sanitizer, but now I can wash my hands as often as I need to.
  
• I can sleep comfortably. For months I have been spending at least part of the night sleeping upright on the couch. I would start out in bed, but would soon wake up with one or both of my hands on fire. The only way I could get the pain to abate was to sit propped up in the corner with both arms straight down by my side. If I leaned the slightest bit to the right or the left, the pressure would start to build and soon I would be in agony again. But if I stayed upright, my neck would kink. I really started to relate to that scene at the end of The Elephant Man, where he just wants to sleep like a normal person. Now I can sleep curled up on my side with my hands tucked under my pillow, or flat on my back with my arms over my head. It is delicious.
• I enjoy nursing. It was so hard to try to position Maggie with the braces on, and then once she was in position, her little head would put so much pressure on my arms I wanted to die. I'm so grateful she's a quick eater anyway, but it was all I could do some nights to just let her finish.
• I can cuddle my children, and handle them gently. I haven't been able to put my arms around them and hold them without my arms going completely numb. Even poor Maggie has spent more time on the floor or on the couch next to me than in my arms because they either hurt too much, or I just didn't trust them to support her. And the braces just made everything awkward, so I'd end up being rougher with her than I meant to because I just didn't have the mobility I needed. I'd try to place her softly in the crib, only to have her get caught on the braces, or accidentally drop her the last few inches. Now I can hold her with my hand cupping her little bottom for has long as I want to, and slide her gently into her bed.
  
• I can snuggle with my husband. Being unable to lay on my side made spooning of any kind impossible.
• I can style my hair. I've been relying on the ponytail even more than usual because I just couldn't hold the dryer or turn the brush or pull the flat iron. Maybe soon I'll even get a cute haircut again!
• I can stay on my Weight Watchers. It is really, really hard to stay within your points for the day when you can't use your hands to do anything and you eat when you're bored.
  
• I can eat. Ironic, I know, when I've just complained that eating too much was a problem, but I was kind of resigned to just snacking. Halfway through a real meal, my hands would be completely numb and I'd be passing the fork from hand to hand while attempting to shake some life into the one I wasn't eating with.
  
• My hands don't go numb while driving anymore.
• I will have better dental health. I just got a crown and I blame it on the carpal tunnel. Ready for this logic? The pain would wake me up in the night, I'd be awake so long I'd get hungry, I'd eat, I'd finally fall back asleep with teeth unbrushed, and then not be able to floss in the morning because my hands wouldn't work. Thus, I got a large cavity that couldn't be filled, and the only option was to crown it.
  
• I can make things again. Chloe's Halloween costume is done now, and I'm ready to start on Addie's. And I'm looking forward to the weddings I'm doing flowers for instead of being nearly overcome with fear.
  
• I can cook and clean again, though maybe that's not such a blessing . . . Honestly, though, I've hated not being able to be a homemaker, unable to stop my house from falling apart around me.
  
• My hands work when I wake up in the morning. No matter how careful I'd been at night, every morning my hands were so stiff and sore that I just couldn't do anything for a couple hours. If I tried, I'd just end up frustrated and in worse pain. Now I just have to break the ensuing addiction to Facebook, and I'll be back on track.
  
• I can be happy. I never realized how life sucking it is to deal with chronic pain. Everything was harder, including smiling, because I was just so tired and uncomfortable all the time. I tried to keep it together, but people could see I wasn't myself. The morning after I got the shots, I popped right out of bed and got to work, and was so grateful that I could. I am a nicer mom and wife. I have such a greater appreciation for those who deal with pain that don't have the hope of a solution like I do. I understand my mom so much better.
  

I'm hoping it gets even better after my surgeries. Things have improved dramatically, but I'm still not 100%. My index finger on my left hand is still numb, and I'm still a little achy at times, so I know there's still room for improvement. At least, I'm trying to be optimistic that there's room for improvement and I'm not looking at permanent nerve damage here. I just prefer not to think about that option until my operations are over. In the meantime, I'm happy.

It's fun, Danno!

Up until I was four, my family lived in Wellsville, Utah. Never heard of it? Small wonder. It's a tiny little town outside Logan, and largely a farming community. I think. It's been a while. In any case, our house was surrounded by large irrigation ditches. One day my parents heard giggling and crying, and came to find me stuffing my little brother in a barrel and repeatedly rolling him into one of these (empty) ditches. He was crying and I was yelling, "It's fun, Danno! It's fun!" I have heard this story about myself more than any other in my life.

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that when Bracken heard giggling and crying from the bathroom the other night, there was a similar scene. Chloe and Addie were showering together, and Addie was standing with her face to the corner. Chloe stood behind her with a pitcher of water cajoling, "Just turn around, Addie! Just turn around!"

I'm starting to think the soundtrack to my life is giggling underscored with tears. Thankfully, they take turns being the tormentor, so at least I know no one is being unduly victimized.