Wednesday, May 9, 2012

A Tale of Two Haircuts

This is what Addie's hair looked like.

This is what Maggie's hair looked like.  Now I admit there wasn't a lot, but I could put it into two little piggies in the back, and it was starting to spring up in the cutest little curls.

Then, last night, after feeling kind of gross all day, I decided to lay down for a few minutes.  Bracken was home, the girls had been entertaining themselves in the back yard.  Suddenly Bracken calls me to the table to take a look at Maggie's hair.

She had been shorn.

I looked to Addie to see what had happened, and discovered her bangs were missing. 

I don't remember anything after that.

Fine, I remember a few things.
  • I remember screaming at my two bald-ish daughters without words.
  • I remember going out to the trampoline and gathering what few wispy curls I could find.  This was, after all, Maggie's first haircut.  (It was the third one Addie had given herself.)
  • I remember removing all of the dresses from their closets to be returned at a later, more obedient date.
  • I remember scooping up all their beloved toys from the playroom, placing them in garbage bags, and setting them in the garage, to be slowly earned back.  To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be sad if all the toys didn't get earned back.  I would be happy to place most of those toys straight into the garbage before Rosie gets a chance to choke on them. 
  • I remember emptying their "Good Behavior" marble jars.

Then, the energy of my rage slightly exhausted, I lay down in my bed and attempted to read.  I heard sirens approaching, and shortly thereafter, the doorbell rang.   I listened, almost certain that it was Child Protective Services at the door, having been called by someone who lives miles away, but still heard my screaming.  Perhaps one of the moms from preschool? Turns out, it was just the Schwan man stopping by to try to sell me his frozen goods.  (Perhaps he thought I needed to chill?)  But all was quiet at that point, the miscreants peacefully sleeping.  I did not sleep so well. 

 In the morning, I got them dressed, then had a little photo shoot. I'm glad they are looking remorseful.  Even Maggie's characteristic cheesy grin has lost some of its sparkle.

This looks appropriately pained.

Those light patches?  Those aren't where hair has been pushed aside and can be smoothed back.  That is where it has been trimmed to the scalp.

 All except for the long pieces behind the ears.


And here's the little master mind, though I did find out she was not the sole participant in the cutting.

 I packed them up and hauled them down to Great Clips.  The poor stylists there didn't even know where to start.  The lady working on Maggie was sure that the girls had gotten hold of a pair of clippers, her hair was cut so close to the head.  Nope, I replied, just a pair of children's safety scissors I had gotten down for their friend to use.  It was so short, though, that all she could do was trim the two curls behind Maggie's ears and even up her neck.  Any attempt to do more would only make the bald spots more obvious.  

And Addie.  Despite many suggestions that I just clip it to the side until it grew out, I  knew it wouldn't work.  She had cut such a thick swath, so far back, plus her hair is so very, very straight and unbendable, I knew it just wouldn't happen.  So her stylist evened it up as best she could, fringing it a bit to make it blend.  She finished and sort of shrugged her shoulders.  And I told her I understood there just wasn't much she could do.  

So here they are, looking as good as they possibly can at this point.
Little Mag-leberry Finn, poor motherless thing.  With snow boots on in 90 degree weather.

No more wispy little curls.

Often throughout the 90's I considered cutting baby doll bangs.  Would I also have ended up looking like I was out of my Vulcan mind?

 Her alternative rock album will be coming out later this year.

I think we're all going to survive.  My boiling blood cooled to a simmer by this morning, and tonight is back to 98.6.  Mostly.  At least I'm able to laugh about it now.

 And my playroom has never looked better.


Camellia said...

Ok - you are quality (:

Misty said...

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry ruth...but i cant help but read this and laugh... I really needed a good laugh today, and this posting had me going good. You are hysterical and brilliant! I am glad you can laugh about it now :).

English1 said...

Hi, Ruth - I think most of us have experienced this haircutting phenomenon, usually courtesy of our own kids helping the younger ones have new "do's!" I haven't been on your blog forever (or anyone else's, for that matter) and miss the hilarious wit and word smithing! You really should write a book (in your spare time!). Happy Mother's Day to you! We sure miss you all! - Dorene