Wednesday, March 4, 2009

What a Month

It has been quite a month for our little family. It's amazing how quickly things can change in no time at all.

The evening of my last real post (haunted perfume doesn't count), Bracken came home from work carrying his plant. With absolutely no notice at all, the last news we'd heard about his company being that things looked good for this year, Bracken was laid off. I can't even begin to describe how betrayed I feel. I wrote a very honest, very angry post a couple weeks ago that will probably never be published. Even now, I can't really think too much about it. Besides the injustice of Bracken losing his job while I'm pregnant, the fact is, I'm pregnant and not exactly emotionally stable.

So I fell apart, and Bracken hunted like mad for a job, and thankfully, had a new job less than 2 weeks after being laid off. Pretty amazing. We feel really blessed, but it's still not easy. We still have a lot to figure out, especially medical insurance, etc. And I don't know that I will ever feel truly secure in Bracken's job again. And now that he's the low man on the totem pole in this economy, despite the fact that he's going to work everyday, I live in fear of bad news.

And it doesn't help that this is my grumpy pregnancy. The first one was the first one, and the whole thing was an adventure because of that. The second one was my energetic one--we bought a house, did a lot of work on it, moved, took some trips, stayed really busy. I've decided this one is just my grumpy one. I've been trying not to give in, but I'm losing the battle, so I'm giving up. I am just grumpy and tired this time. Lots of perfectly pleasant people (not that I'm ever one of them) turn into grouchy messes when they're pregnant, so why can't I?

But it's not all bad news. We had our ultrasound a couple weeks ago and everything looks good. The baby's healthy and developing normally, and for the first time, I do not have a fetus who's head is big for her body. And that's right, it's another girl! Bracken's mom thinks the reason we're having another girl is because I have so many good skills to teach girls. I'll just need to find someone else to teach them quilting and scrapbooking. I have to say, I am surprised. I really thought this one was going to be our little boy.

Addie remains a perpetual motion machine. I bungee corded the chairs to the table last week to cut down on what she could reach, but it hasn't really slowed her down. I'm constantly amazed at the trouble she can get in to. Her vocabulary is increasing constantly, my favorite additions being please (pee) and food (foodah). She's even gone in the potty a couple of times, though we are no where near potty training with her.

I've realized that with Chloe, I have a child who instead of saying "um" when she can't think of something to say, says, "I love you." She really is very sweet. And affectionate. I'm still working on teaching her appropriate boundaries with her sister. You'd think that Addie's tears would clue her in that Addie is not having fun anymore, but no. I'm understanding more and more why my dad's only wish for every holiday was "A Day Without Fighting." And again, to all my younger siblings, I am so sorry.

The other big news in our house is that I was released this Sunday from the Young Women's presidency. It's amazing how mixed I can feel about a release that I've been looking forward to. I do love the YW, and I will miss being with the girls, but I've really been feeling like I'm not in a position to give them what they need right now. For example, my due date is the last day of girls camp, there is a handcart trek in June that I just don't think I should go on, and all the big activities preceeding it will involve hiking and endurance preparation. Plus, as I've mentioned before, I'm just grumpy.

8 comments:

Sandy said...

Oh, Ruth - I'm so sorry that things have been such a mess- and being pregnant always makes everything so much worse!!! I am really glad to hear that Bracken found a job so fast, though. I wish I lived closer and could help you out:(

I was really grumpy this last pregnancy - everyone and everything just drove me crazy. I had to stop going to playgroup there at the end because all the other moms bugged me! It did go away after I gave birth, though, so there is hope. I agree with Bracken's mom that you do indeed have lots of skills to teach girls (and/or your mother is up there sending them down to you as revenge), and maybe one of them will decide they like paper and make a scrapbook for you;)

Lindsay said...

Oh Ruth--I feel for you! Sometimes it is so hard being pregnant with little energetic ones. When I was pregnant with Elizabeth, I found myself being impatient all of the time with my kids. I felt like the worst mom! It's so hard because you are tired all the time and just don't have what it takes to constantly clean up messes, deal with tantrums, accidents...the list goes on and on!
Hang in there--hopefully this pregnancy will fly by for you and before you know it, you will have 3 sweet little girls. We are so excited for you guys!
And good luck keeping that Addie busy. She would fit right in with my boys it seems like. I wish we lived closer to you and I could take her off your hands for a day :)

Missy said...

You know - I'm not pregnant and I don't think you could pay me to go on a trek. :) I better be careful because I'm in YW now and they like to keep all leaders ridiculously involved.
I think that you are amazing - an amazing mom, friend and acrobat... :)

Robin said...

Ruth, someday it will all blur together(or maybe it is now!) and I think my kids just remember me being grumpy, pregnant or not! Those of us that like to be busy(you and me) have trouble slowing our minds down and allowing ourselves to be human. Lower expectations are a good thing. Just being there with your girls is a good thing.The Lord has blessed us with also a let down mechanism that we need to turn on and know there will be times to do more. You are making a baby for heavens sake! So make some cinnimon toast, some hot chocolate, put your feet up and just be, thats enough. And so far as security, WHATS THAT? hehehe...

kimberly said...

Congratulations on a little girl! Maybe she and Mason will fall in love and get married someday! I can only pray that Mason marries into a family more domestic than mine! ;) Hang in there, as far as I'm concerned being pregnant is a death sentence so if you are not in the hospital hooked up to an IV count yourself blessed! And btw, grumpiness is 100% acceptable, not that you were asking for permission! ;)

Gaby said...

hey,cheer up!! these are the best days of your life!! it gets worse as they grow up,so enjoy those little ones now!! and maybe that little boy is suppose to have 3 sisters to keep him on track. and so sorry to hear about brackens job. very scarey in today world. but i can tell you lots of stories about insurance. 5 kids 5 different co. and 8 months pregant and finding out we had none. it all works out and these are the times you'll remember. you'll have to bring the girls out to visit next time your out this way. we've got 2 pigs, 2 cows,lots of chickens, and ducks now in the pond. they would have a great time playing out here and it be fun to visit. congratulations on a girl. and oh josh is getting married 5/23.

Katie said...

Sorry you are feeling grumpy. Love you lots and wish I could come hangout because even when you are grumpy you make me smile. :)

Wilkins Family said...

Reading your blog reminds me of how I am not ready to be pregnant again. Give me the labor any day! I am so grad that Bracken got a new job so fast. What a true blessing. Take Care!!