What a Month

It has been quite a month for our little family. It's amazing how quickly things can change in no time at all.

The evening of my last real post (haunted perfume doesn't count), Bracken came home from work carrying his plant. With absolutely no notice at all, the last news we'd heard about his company being that things looked good for this year, Bracken was laid off. I can't even begin to describe how betrayed I feel. I wrote a very honest, very angry post a couple weeks ago that will probably never be published. Even now, I can't really think too much about it. Besides the injustice of Bracken losing his job while I'm pregnant, the fact is, I'm pregnant and not exactly emotionally stable.

So I fell apart, and Bracken hunted like mad for a job, and thankfully, had a new job less than 2 weeks after being laid off. Pretty amazing. We feel really blessed, but it's still not easy. We still have a lot to figure out, especially medical insurance, etc. And I don't know that I will ever feel truly secure in Bracken's job again. And now that he's the low man on the totem pole in this economy, despite the fact that he's going to work everyday, I live in fear of bad news.

And it doesn't help that this is my grumpy pregnancy. The first one was the first one, and the whole thing was an adventure because of that. The second one was my energetic one--we bought a house, did a lot of work on it, moved, took some trips, stayed really busy. I've decided this one is just my grumpy one. I've been trying not to give in, but I'm losing the battle, so I'm giving up. I am just grumpy and tired this time. Lots of perfectly pleasant people (not that I'm ever one of them) turn into grouchy messes when they're pregnant, so why can't I?

But it's not all bad news. We had our ultrasound a couple weeks ago and everything looks good. The baby's healthy and developing normally, and for the first time, I do not have a fetus who's head is big for her body. And that's right, it's another girl! Bracken's mom thinks the reason we're having another girl is because I have so many good skills to teach girls. I'll just need to find someone else to teach them quilting and scrapbooking. I have to say, I am surprised. I really thought this one was going to be our little boy.

Addie remains a perpetual motion machine. I bungee corded the chairs to the table last week to cut down on what she could reach, but it hasn't really slowed her down. I'm constantly amazed at the trouble she can get in to. Her vocabulary is increasing constantly, my favorite additions being please (pee) and food (foodah). She's even gone in the potty a couple of times, though we are no where near potty training with her.

I've realized that with Chloe, I have a child who instead of saying "um" when she can't think of something to say, says, "I love you." She really is very sweet. And affectionate. I'm still working on teaching her appropriate boundaries with her sister. You'd think that Addie's tears would clue her in that Addie is not having fun anymore, but no. I'm understanding more and more why my dad's only wish for every holiday was "A Day Without Fighting." And again, to all my younger siblings, I am so sorry.

The other big news in our house is that I was released this Sunday from the Young Women's presidency. It's amazing how mixed I can feel about a release that I've been looking forward to. I do love the YW, and I will miss being with the girls, but I've really been feeling like I'm not in a position to give them what they need right now. For example, my due date is the last day of girls camp, there is a handcart trek in June that I just don't think I should go on, and all the big activities preceeding it will involve hiking and endurance preparation. Plus, as I've mentioned before, I'm just grumpy.