Thursday, March 27, 2008

Better day, thanks

Just wanted to send out a quick thank you for all the positive comments. I really am feeling much better today, and it never was a major thing in the first place. I think I just needed to write about it to sort it all out, and I also feel like sometimes its important to let others see our cracks. I get frustrated sometimes because I know we are all striving for perfection, but sometimes within (and without) the church, we feel like we need to show a perfect front all the time, and never let others see our weaknesses. And then we feel like we are the only ones with flaws because we are surrounded by all these other seemingly perfect people. So, I decided to let some of the weakness leak out.

So, though I wasn't trying to solicit compliments, they sure are nice to hear. Love you all.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

One of those Days

One of those days.

It's just one of those days where I don't want to do anything, not even get dressed. Which is different from the days I have been having where I don't get dressed because I've been out in my yard working and just get too busy to be bothered with getting cleaned up for the day. Today I just don't feel like doing anything.

I've been meaning to post for a couple of days, and share our Easter pictures, but I don't know if I even want to anymore. I worked myself to the bone last week, getting ready for Bracken's family and some friends to come over and share the holiday with us. Well, it wasn't all for that. They were projects that needed to be done--the holiday just gave me a deadline--and I love working in my yard, so really it was an enjoyable week. I thought we had a lovely Easter dinner and a fun Easter egg hunt. Unfortunately, some negative comments have since been made by one of our guests, and it's kind of cast a pall over the whole thing for me.

I know part of my problem is that I've been eating way too much candy (since I foolishly bought more candy than I have self control) and that always makes me feel a bit down (Which is why I'm eating a bag of vegetables as I type). And maybe part of the problem is just post holiday let down. Or Addie not feeling well and not sleeping well, and spitting up a lot again. Or Chloe regressing in her potty training since we returned from Cabo. Or the failsafe excuse of hormones. But really I think my feelings are just very hurt.

I'm trying to let it go and move on, but it keeps eating away at me. I think part of the problem is that I'm just questioning myself on all sorts of levels, and I can't really put it adequately into words. Growing up, I was always known as the "mean one", the one with a temper, the one who knew just the right thing to say to really hurt the other person. I don't want to be that person. I try really hard to control my tongue, to keep an even temper, and to be a peacemaker. Which is really hard to do when the angry part of me wants to retaliate, and keeps thinking of all the hurtful things I could say to try and make myself feel better. The better part of me knows it will be a hollow victory, and the wrong thing to do, so I keep it to myself. Unfortunately, I'm just not a good enough person yet, or a confident enough person yet, to move on without being hurt by it.

I just keep thinking of the phrase ."You don't have to blow my candle out to make yours shine brighter." I know I'm a perfectionist, which makes me crazy (as in drives and causes me to be). I know I have talents, but I don't work to magnify them to make others feel badly. I garden, and create, and decorate because it brings me joy. I try to make my home a welcoming, and hopefully beautiful, place where everyone can be themselves, including me. I guess I'm just at the point where I want to just excuse myself from society and live in my own little bubble where I can be whoever I want to be and not worry about getting my feelings hurt, or hurting the feelings of others. I realize that this is impossible, and there is no solution, and that I will feel better soon, but today it's one of those days. And I know everyone has days like that, and since this is a journal of sorts, I decided to go ahead and write about it.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Since Bracken is half Irish, St. Patrick's Day is an important holiday around our house. I had big plans, but didn't execute all of them. Several weeks ago, we made cards with potato stamps. I'm still cleaning up glitter. I also did manage to prepare a corned beef and cabbage dinner, with Irish soda bread, as well as a pistacio salad, because it's green, not necessarily because it's Irish. Ironically, that was the only part of the dinner Bracken really liked, but I sure love corned beef, so it all works out. We also followed some leprechan footprints to find his gold. Next time, though, I need to plan ahead and buy the gold when Chloe is not with me. Why does she have to be so smart? And so old? I can't believe how fast she is growing up.

She has been cracking me up lately. I was in the bathroom the other day, and she knocked on the door. She said, "Mom, I miss you. I want to talk to you." Oh, it's mostly nice to be missed after only seconds of separation.

Another day she was sitting on my lap, and said, "Momma, I take my head off," and started pulling. I guess it's time to upgrade her from my old Barbies. Not that new Barbies will give her correct ideas about anatomy, but at least their heads should stay on.

She is also very into her magic wand right now. It's this random piece of plastic that looks like a piece of spaghetti, but it is magical to her. We listen to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo for hours on repeat while she waves her wand around. Bracken, not understanding the importance of this piece of plastic, had to go fish it out of the garbage bin where he had mistakenly placed it the other day.

Currently Chloe is wearing her swimsuit over her clothes and begging to go swimming. I have a feeling I will have to let her experience just how cold it is still at 9 in the morning before she'll stop.

Addie is also quite funny. She was staring at me from her high chair last night and I realized her resemblance to Hannibal Lechter. The bald head, the red rimmed, unblinking, piercing blue eyes, the quivering lip, and the desperate desire to eat me. I'm including a video of a recent bath of hers. Unfortunately, the sound isn't coming through, so just imagine a sudden, piercing shriek as she picks up the washcloth.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Vacation in Cabo!

I know where I've been!

Cabo San Lucas! I know several of you have been waiting to hear about our recent adventures, so I'm finally uploading the pictures and updating my blog. For those who didn't know we were heading to Cabo, Bracken was invited to his company's annual recognition conference this year. We got an all expenses paid 4 day vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Which is a part of Mexico with a Costco and Walmart and a lot of resorts.

We had so much fun. We left on Wednesday, the 5th. We dropped off Chloe the night before at our friends the Mills. She spent two days with them, then spent the next 2 with her grandparents. For pictures on Chloe's adventures with Josh, check out Ashley's blog.

We stayed at the Riu Palace, which was this huge, obviously palacial resort, right on the ocean. It was beautiful, with gorgeous pools and an incredible view. It was an all inclusive resort, which was great for the pocketbook, but the food in general did leave something to be desired. You know how sometimes you get a dessert that's not that great, but you eat it anyway because, hey, chocolate is chocolate? Well, this wasn't even identifiable as chocolate. And the cheesecake tasted like white, and that's about it. But the coconut icecream was amazing, and we certainly didn't starve. It was also fun to try out room service.

On Thursday we went to a timeshare presentation, really only to get free cab rides and whale watching tickets. We spent the rest of the day at the pool, and Addie took her first swim.

She really enjoyed it. In general, I think she had a great time on the trip. As much as she loves her sister, I think Addie really loved having the full attention of her parents for several days. She slept really well, taking a lot of naps on the run. She was in a really good mood most of the time, and hardly cried at all. We sure had fun with her.

Friday was the best day of the trip. We went whale watching in the morning. We were on a large boat with several of our friends, and were able to follow right behind a couple of humpbacks for quite a while. Everyone was eagerly poised with their cameras, trying to capture the elusive tail shot, and time and again, the whales teased us. Finally, just before we turned around, we saw a tail, but no one got a picture. We didn't get a picture either of the sea turtle that swam by.

After our whale watching tour, three of us couples decided to go parasailing. We questioned that decision a bit once we boarded the speedboat with our babies! We all got soaking wet, but the babies were remarkably calm. It was so fun! Neither Bracken or I had ever been before and it was just amazing. I loved how quiet it was, and how beautiful everything was from so high up. Bracken even got to see a couple whales. We would both do it again in a heartbeat.

After parasailing, we did a little shopping. The funniest thing about the shopping for me, besides the fact that they reduced the prices after the cruiseship left, was the selection. My family moved back to the states from Mexico over 25 years ago. Bracken and I could have purchased, piece for piece, identical souveniers to what my parents brought back. That night there was a ocean front recognition dinner for all the employees. Shortly after we finished eating, we went upstairs to the buffet to finish our meal with ice cream, and it was funny to watch all the LDS people, one by one leave the boozing on the beach, and come upstairs for ice cream.

Saturday morning we spent on the beach, and then headed to the airport. The trip home was a little more stressful than the trip there. Addie, the wonder baby of the trip, finally had a bit of a breakdown on the first leg of our trip, but was mostly good (Interestingly, the poop she had on the plane, as well as several others lately, smelled liked bacon. Not good bacon, but bacon nonetheless.). The stop in Phoenix was the worst part. Customs was packed and the airport was confusing, so we ended up running for our gate, and just making it. I just hate that panicky feeling of being late for a flight, but knowing it's not yor fault and there's nothing you could have done about it anyway. I guess eating nothing but airplane pretzels from 12-9 pm was a good way to start the post vacation diet.

And then we got to see Chloe again! We missed her so much. She gave us the best hugs, and was just so happy to be with her Daddy and Momma again, and to sleep in her own bed. I sure do love my little family. However, I am wondering who this Chloe is that I brought home. We've been having some behavior and potty training problems since our return, but I'm hoping they'll end soon.

So now I'm back in my garden and loving it, which is the other reason this post took so long to do. Hopefully I'll get some pictures of that sent out soon also.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Couldn't really say where I've been

I know I get antsy when I check other people's blogs and they haven't updated them in a while. And then here I go, not updating my blog forever. And I don't really know where the time has gone and what I've been doing while I haven't been writing. I think part of the problem is that the weather has been mostly beautiful lately, and I just want to be outside so badly. Technically, I guess I could take the computer outside with me, but it would get in the way of digging and planting and stuff.

So, since I can't remember enough to do a blow by blow recap of the last two weeks, and no one really wants to read that anyway, I'll just list some things that make me happy. They are in no particular order, and the list is by no means all inclusive, but just a sampling of things that have made me smile lately.

1. My backyard. I've got all sorts of bulbs coming up, many of which I didn't plant, so that's exciting to see what else is growing back there. We also put in a berry patch the other day, so we'll look forward to the fruits of that labor next year. And then I cut back a rose bush and am trying to get the cuttings to root. So far so good. It just makes me so happy to be outside and see things growing. I just wish there were more time in the day.

2. The upcoming time change, because it will give me more daylight time in the day. And it will actually allow a positive change in our children's bedtimes since then Addie will go down at 7 instead of 6.

3. The Miracle Swimsuit. And that's a brand, not just my own adjective. I'm so excited to go to Cabo this week, but the swimsuit thing has been a bit of a hindrance. I actually found a suit that sucks it all in and holds it there, so despite the hefty price tag, I'm happy. I figure since the last non maternity suit I bought, which was never that great, I've had for 5 years, I can justify the purchase of a suit that hopefully I will enjoy wearing for the next 5 years.
4. Free kids workshops at Lowe's. I was at the store last week, and Chloe wasn't with me, but they let me take a bird feeder kit home with me for her to do. It was so easy to put together, and she got a pair of safety goggles, which was darn cute. We had a lot of fun, and just yesterday got to watch a squirrel have a party emptying it. At one point he was hanging upside down eating out of it. So much better than having him dig up my bulbs and eat them.
5. Being done with Young Women New Beginnings. It's been a full week of church activities. I was in charge of the New Beginnings program for the ward this year, and did it as a Price is Right game show. It went really well, but boy am I glad not to have that looming over me. And then I taught the combined YW meeting today, so now I'm off the hook for teaching assignments for a few more months. Now all I have to do is get the fleece together for the girls to make blankets this week. They're donating them to I highly recommend you check them out.
6. Welcoming a new niece to the family. Congratulations Matt and Lindsay! And Welcome Elizabeth. She arrived on March 1st, and our house full of girls is so excited to have another girl in the family. The Geilman family grandchild totals now stand at 4 girls and 7 boys. And for the first time in over 2 years, no one in the family is pregnant right now. At least as far as I know.
7. The funny things that Chloe does. Like dressing herself. Or feeding all of her stuffed animals on the kitchen floor. Or playing laundry basket monsters with her cousin Syrus. Or dyeing her fingers green while making St. Patrick's Day cards for Family Home Evening. Or wandering the house calling, "Oh Mama, where are you?" in the cutest little voice. Or moving on from worms to ladybugs. They are all over the back yard right now, and are usually fortunate enough to fly away before she gets too affectionate with them. Though she has stashed a couple in her pockets and brought them into the house.
8. Our little (big) Addie. I can't believe she just had her 6 month appointment. She is the same length as Chloe was at 6 months, (27.5", 95th percentile) but is about a pound heavier (17lbs 4 oz, 75th percentile). Which means I am just so excited for this warmer weather so I can dress her in clothes that show off her chunky legs. Mmm, squishy.
9. Having a house I can entertain in and family nearby. I was able to have my aunt Donna, and her daughters Angie and Tiffany and all of their families over for dinner last week, which was so fun. And Angie is engaged, and I'm so happy for her! I sure do miss all of my immediate family so much, but it's nice to have some of my family here, as well as Bracken's family. We are really blessed.
10. My sister Katie getting a diagnosis for the voice problem she's been having since she got home from her mission. She has had intermittent laryngitis for the last year or so, and they finally discovered that it stems from a dislocated voice box. It should be correctible without surgery. I'm just so glad she doesn't have to wonder any more.
11. Ben's missing package finally showed up. Hooray! I'm still very curious, though, about what those month old cookies looked like when the package finally arrived.
12. Homemade bread. I've got a great starter and a really simple recipe, and we've been having the best artisanal loaves of bread all the time lately. I just love eating delicious, warm, simple to make bread. If anyone is interested, let me know and I'll share the recipe, and some of the starter if you're so inclined.
13. Getting the grout in my kitchen (mostly) clean. Lots of scrubbing, but the payoff is still making me smile.
14. Budding trees and bushes. I ran out in the pouring rain the other day to clip some blossoming branches off a tree in the greenbelt behind our house, just because they were so beautiful. And then the next day I pulled the car over to clip some other branches off another flowering bush. Yes, I had pruners in my diaper bag for just such an occasion. Now I'm trying to get those branches to root, too.
15. And everything else. I know this is getting long, but there are just so many things I'm grateful for right now. And I'm pretty sure I'm grateful for everyone who may be reading this, so have a fantastic day!